you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
