who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
