I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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