Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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