highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
