I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
