in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
