I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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