I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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