sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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