plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
