Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
