Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
