Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
