is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
