I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh god it's open bar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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