The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
