we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
