If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
