She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
