Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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