u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
