Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize