making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
