I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
