I just made out with a guy for $7.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize