So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
