when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
