do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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