fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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