I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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