So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
