btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
