we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
