woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
