walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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