Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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