my vag is so smooth its legendary
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
