I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
