I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
