I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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