WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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