The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
