Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stole a fireplace last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize