I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
