what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
