just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
