Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
