I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
