So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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