WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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