You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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