There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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