Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just google imaged poop.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
