Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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