i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
