Will you blow on my dice?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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