'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
