I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize