Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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