So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
