i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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