An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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