Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize