let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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