watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
