she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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