At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
