One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
