Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i came on her dog
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
