I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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