new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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