piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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