He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
