Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
