she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
