hell yes lets make some ravioli
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
