You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
