Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
