You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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