This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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