No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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