im six kinds of drunk right now
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
