i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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