Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And then he peed in my hair
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