Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
