We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
