I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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