hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
