I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
