I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
