3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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