Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
