If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
