Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
