I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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