Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
