I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
