We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
