he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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