You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
