I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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