On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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