So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
