Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
