I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
