Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
