chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
