I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Quick, to the slutcave!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
