Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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